not enough

“I am not enough”

Even the best of us let this thought in from time to time. Me included.

In the ideal world, we will always be able to affirm ourselves and just be well, confident. But the reality is that in this world of “better, more, faster”, I have had my moments of doubt too; “Am I a good enough coach?” “Am I doing everything I can as a good daughter?” “Am I living up to expectations?”

Let me let you in on a secret – don’t trust your mind when it’s questioning your worth.

I have had the good fortune of wonderful coaches and mentors who taught me that “feedback” aka external information given from people whom I trust and love or from my results, probably reflects what is really going on more accurately, rather than what’s in my head.

What does this mean? It means that when your husband gives you a big kiss and tells you he loves you, you are a good wife, no matter what you think. It means that when your kids can’t wait to give you a hug before bed, or tell you they missed you, or grew to become a fine young lady or gentleman, you are a good mother, no matter that you think. It means when you have handled a tricky situation at work and your boss ( whom you respect a lot) says “well done”, you are an effective colleague, no matter what you think.

This is not to say that I only function from external validation. It is to say when I doubt myself, perhaps it is worthwhile to take a look at the “evidence” around and ask “I’m not enough, really?”

I remember vividly what happened when I missed my 3rd squat attempt at 130kg (to break my own National record of 128.5kg) during IPF World’s in Texas. When the bar was on my back, I had a brief moment of doubt, “am I strong enough to do this?” This brief moment of doubt translated to a squat that was not low enough. I missed the attempt not because of my physical limitation (because I can actually squat that weight) but because of my mind.

There were times when I wondered if I am a good enough coach, because, you know, I don’t have a bikini bod. But I am very grateful that through the changes and growth I have seen in our FuelFit coaches and students alike, and more recently winning the Asia Fitness Conference Personal Trainer of the Year award, I know that I am enough.

Saudi Tan AFC Personal Trainer of the Year 2016

Knowing I am enough, allows me to continue growing and contributing to others.

My wish for you is to know that you are enough, always, as long as you are doing your best and is in contribution, in what whatever ways big or small. And on the other side, always be generous with your words of gratitude and authentic acknowledgement because you never know how that could change someone’s moment, or day, or even life.

Be kind always, to others, and to yourself.

Because you are enough.